The Things My Killer Does For Me
by OdieIsAwesome
Summary: "Were you about to smother me with that pillow?" "No, I was just fluffing it for you." What is that crazy Jasper up to now? AU AH OOC one-shot. M because of my potty mouth. R&R No plot what so ever


**AN: Well this is something that I've had on my mind for a while. I really don't plan on doing anything more out of it. I hope you guys enjoy it. :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or the sexy hunk of man beast Jasper, but what I do own is an iPod with my music on it, then again, I do have to share it with somebody, darn.**

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**The Things My Killer Does For Me**

I was having the best sleep of my life. Everything was perfect; it was completely dark and silent, I knew in the back of my mind that I would have to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. I was in that perfect position on my bed that I loved because it was perfectly molded to my body. Ugh, I wish I could go back to that! But alas, all good things have to come to an end, right?

I woke up because i felt an menacing presence and i suddenly got the chills, so I tried to pull my blankets closer to me. In doing so, I opened one eye. i was expecting to see darkness, but instead I saw the moonlight streaming through my window. I thought i had went to sleep with my curtains closed? There was a distinct pattern that I immediately recognized. It was the exact pattern that I had on my pillows. That immediately made me jolt awake. I move my hands towards where my pillow should have been and of course, I found nothing.

Then I noticed something, the pillow seemed to be slowly moving towards my head. I started to panic. I was looking franticly all over the place, until I noticed the hands of my killer. I can recognize those hands from a mile away, i knew exactly who those hands belonged to. 'Jasper! Ugh not again! I thought we had this conversation already?'

"Jasper!" my voice sounded muffled, but I knew that the sound had startled him.

"Oh shit! Hey Bella, how was your sleep?" he said sheepishly. He looked like the cat that got caught with his paws in the fish tank.

"Oh it was going great, until you know, YOU TRIED TO SMOTHER ME WITH MY PILLOW! I thought we talked about this already?" I looked up glaring at him out of annoyance.

"Silly Bella, I wasn't trying to kill you," he looked at me patronizingly, "I was just fluffing your pillows. I was passing by and I decided to check on you, when i noticed that you looked uncomfortable." he smiled at me.

I didn't know what to think about that. It was a very plausible situation, but something in my gut made me remain skeptical.

I let it go and went back to sleep.

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There it goes again! That tingly feeling of somebody watching you.

Why the hell must it come during the most inopportune times. I had finally managed to go back to sleep and I wanted to keep it that way, but no, I must be awake right now.

This time around, I didn't hesitate. I opened both of my eyes expecting the pillow, but I was surprised, yet again.

I caught Jasper in mid-swing. He had a hammer in his hands.

"Jasper!" I screeched.

"Fuck." he muttered under his breath.

"What the FUCK Jasper! Were you about to smash my head in with that hammer?"

He paused for a moment.

"For the love of God Bella, I wasn't going to hurt you."

"You weren't?" I looked at him pointedly.

"God no. I was just fixing that picture that seemed crooked to me the last time I was in here."

He then proceeded to hammer something on the wall and pointed at it in a 'you see' manner.

I knew that he was lying because I had used a laser level to hang up those frames, but (for some reason unknown to me) I decided to let it go and go back to sleep.

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I was in and out of sleep when it happened again.

The door started to slowly open. 'CREAK'

I heard a muttered, "need to put oil on that."

I sat up and saw what I expected. Jasper.

But this time he didn't have a pillow or a hammer, he had a knife.

"What the fuck?" I screeched.

He immediately dropped the knife and looked at me.

"Oh good, you're up," he sounded 'relieved', but I knew better.

"Okay hit me with it, what's your excuse for coming into my room, in the middle of the night, with a knife?"

"Well I was in the kitchen and I thought I heard noises, so I came to check that it wasn't a burglar or something. As for the knife, I was making you a sandwich, and brought it up here for protection." He looked pleased with himself. He had clearly thought about this for a while.

"I was just looking out for you Bella." he then proceeded to to leave out the door.

I turned to look at the the time. '3:45 am' flashed in green lights. 'Ugh, I'll never get a good nights sleep!'

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I couldn't go back to sleep. I was tossing and turning all night. So I gave up on trying to go to sleep and just lied there.

I was contemplating getting up and watching TV when it happened.

I felt like I was being watched, so I turned and looked towards the door.

I saw a dark figure standing there straight and tall, just staring at me, unmoving. His stare was giving me shivers up and down my spine, goosebumps appearing on my flesh.

I was scared. Scared for what the figure was; scared of what it was going to do to me, and especially scared for my life.

I gripped my blankets tighter around my form, and called out into the darkness.

"J-jasper? Is that you?" my voice was trembling, my hands began to get clammy.

The figure stepped out of the shadows and into the moonlight.

"Yeah, it's me Bella." he responded softly.

I looked at him then, I mean really looked at him.

His face was really pale, cheeks sunken in, dark circles so deep that it looked like he got punched in both eyes. His shoulders were slumped and his hair seemed limp and lifeless. He looked resigned. I then looked down his arms.

He was holding something in his hand. It was dark and sleek, a gun.

"Jasper, why do you have a gun?"

His whole demeanor changed instantly. His back straightened out, face became brighter and his expression became jovial. He then broke out laughing.

"Oh Bella, why do you keep thinking that every time I come in here, I'm trying to kill you?" he looked at me like I was crazy. "I heard those noises again and the first thing I touched on my nightstand and came in here to protect you."

"Why do you have a gun on your nightstand?"

"For your protection obviously. Why, don't you have one there?"

"No!"

"Oh well, your loss," he crossed his arms, still holding the gun, "Why are you getting angry at me when I'm doing nice things for you?" he sounded exasperated.

"Because every time you do something for me, you scare the shit out of me!"

"Ugh! Bella, you're so difficult. First, you don't like that I don't do anything for you, and now that I'm trying, you get angry at me and say that I frighten you," he then started to sob like if I killed his puppy, "Why won't you let me make you happy?"

Then a shot rang out.

The moral of this story kids is, don't let Jasper do anything for you 'cause then you end up like me, six feet under.

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**AN: This story was inspired by a conversation between siblings. Thanks you guys for being as crazy as me. And me being slightly buzzed, just sayin'.**

**Love Y'all Bunches**

**Odie **


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